asexuality: Some Questions & Thoughts

I'm not romantic, but it seems like you think of relationships like I do. They're not job openings.

Some people--probably most--have a "slot" open for a significant other in their lives. That job opening has a job description that may be really specific or really general or somewhere in between. But the fact remains that I guess most people see themselves as being in a relationship and have some idea of what they want it to be like.

But other people, like me, don't "look for" people to fulfill a certain opening. Once I have a person--for me, it's close friendships, never anything romantic--I want that person. If that person moves away, disappears, or decides a new sexual relationship is more important than hanging out with me now (grumble), I don't look for a replacement. I miss THEM. I have a that-person-shaped hole in my life.

So what you said about not wanting a relationship unless you're in one (and wanting THAT one) makes complete sense to me.

I think it's alienating and isolating for all of us when we have to deal with the fact that we don't move through the world quite the way others do. But you sound pretty well adjusted to me. :) I don't really have any advice though, about when you get sad about wanting to want.

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